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To All Parents with Children that have Special Needs:

Shinya Tandino October 18, 2012 Editorials, Landing Point 19 Comments

A friend of mine was very saddened by the fact that his child was born with Down (or Down’s) Syndrome. For anyone unfamiliar with this condition, Down Syndrome is the most common cause of mental retardation and malformation in a newborn. A genetic disorder, it occurs because of the presence of an extra chromosome. I think we all can identify with the anguish that my friend, his spouse, and his family must have experienced and continues to face. I remained silent for awhile, because I did not know what to say and yet I kept wondering why was it that my friend and his wife, two of the nicest and most capable people I have ever met, would be faced with this situation. What was God´s plan?

 

My mind began to envision what I can only describe as a conversation with God. I needed to understand why things like this happen to good and kind people. I don’t know if it’s just me, but every person or couple I have ever met who has a special-needs child, one who is born with Down Syndrome, Autism, or any other restrictive condition, are the greatest parents you could know.

Suddenly, I imagined appearing in the middle of a conversation, where God was talking with his assistant. He said he needed to deliver all of the babies for the day . . . and then I heard what would later come as my answer: ” We have 400,000 children to deliver today but we only have four special ones” – Have you checked the list?” And God’s assistant quickly replied: “Yes sir, we have the best of the best.” God went over the list as he nodded. “Yes, we have selected the right ones,” He said.

“We will deliver all the babies without restrictive medical conditions — the ones that are known on Earth as “normal.” Then we will deliver our four special children to the four wonderful sets of parents.” – God paused for a moment – “At first, they might feel like we are punishing them, but soon they will realize that they were chosen because they were the best people for giving the love and care required to these special children.”

I don’t know if this was really a conversation with God, or if my mind was just making up a scenario that I desperately wanted to believe in, but it felt absolutely real to me. We always hear about “my fucked up parents” from normal children — not all, but some. How many times have you heard a special-needs child refer to his or her parents in that way? None that I know of.

It must be a very difficult situation for these parents to accept. I am sure it can make one upset and cause parents to wonder what they have done wrong to deserve this, but rest assured you were selected for a reason, and that reason is none other than the fact that you are the best person for that special angel.

Take good care of him or her and be proud you were the chosen one. God is right beside you. I just know it.
Frolic Mills

Currently there are "19 comments" on this Article:

  1. Bodza Mubble says:

    This is a very touching article Frolic. Those special children give so much love and not just to their parents, and surely they need special parents that can appreciate this.

    I truly believe that there are no accidents, everything happens for a reason.

    Very well written, my favourite article from you so far. <3

    Bodza

  2. Tonimonastroniboni Oh says:

    Hello Frolic,

    I just wanted to thank you from my heart for your publisher’s note in your November issue. In real life for me I have two nephews one with Autism and one with Cerebral Palsy. My Sister who has raised them through all of the difficulties also has an incurable decease that at the same time of raising two of her children with disabilities she’s had to battle this with her own health issues. Your note was extremely touching to me based on your story that God makes those choices to make people stronger. I think in my Sister’s case as well as our family it has in fact made us a closer family for so many years of doing what we can to help. Both of my Nephews are now young teenagers and have made it through so many obstacles as well as my Sister. I read your article and it deeply touched me and I had to let you know. Thank you so very much!

    Sincerely,
    Tonimonastroniboni Oh

  3. mimmi boa says:

    I remember when i was a lil girl one incredible friends of my mother called Alba.
    Alba had a hunny: F. with the down syndrome. She was adorable, nice, full of love and compassion ( yes, compassion!) and very nice and sweet.
    I was approx 6 / 7 years old and F. was prolly 12.
    I asked my mom about this syndrome and my mom answered in the usually wonderful way, explained what this syndrome means.
    F. and me became friends and we had nice time together . My special friend was damn funny and adorable and i was happy to spend some time with her.
    One day my mother explained me that Alba was not the mother of the lil girl but the auntie. And when she told me the real story of my special friend i was shocked.
    Alba’s sis when saw her daughter had the down syndrome refused to keep the baby with her considering it a disgrace. I want to avoid to write other things because i am still disgusting if i think about it.
    Alba that felt for over 10 years to have children but without success when saw F. was crazily in love with her and decided to keep with her F. and finally she bring her lil niece at home after few time.
    She and her husband protected and loved F . in a way i can’t describe. F, had a wonderful life despite was short…her heart stopped beating 2 days after the death of Alba. She was 26.

    in loving memories of them

    Mimmi Boa / Isabella

    • Frolic Mills says:

      But aren’t they the luckiest people in the world to find someone like Alba? Whatever their story is, whomever takes care of these prescious angels, are the best people in the world. I have seen it too many times and they are my heroes!

      Thank you for sharing Mimmita <3

  4. Anonymous says:

    Great read Frolic. However, I do not like the labels people use when referring to a human being. What is normal anyway? Does anyone really know? I like to think my children do not have special needs but are children with special abilities. It is the responsibility of our society today to consider what these special abilities are instead of trying to make them conform to a “normal” that truly does not exist and never did. I believe that is God’s purpose. We are suppose to look with open eyes instead of closed minds.

  5. Kim Rongyu says:

    Lovely article Frolic. As a RL teacher, I once spent a couple of months working in a school dedicated to children with special needs, needs that were not only educational but physical as well. These children face challenges every day that we can only imagine, just doing things we take for granted was an immense task for them. All of them, without exception, did the very best that they could do, never complaining, never whining, just getting on with things as they could, always with a smile.

    In that class were some severely handicapped children, but they had the same needs and emotions as everyone else and I was inspired by the way that they coped. This was going on during a low point in my life, but just going to work and being greeted at the classroom door by three Downs Syndrome children with huge smiles and a great big hug from all of them made such a difference. One young lady once noticed I was sad one lunchtime. She said nothing, just sat on my lap and gave me a big hug. I asked her why she did it, all she said was “you needed it”.

    Teaching those kids changed my life and not in a small way. I was on the verge of quitting teaching, but that made me carry on. Bless all of them :)

  6. Brittainy Collins says:

    beautifully written letter frolic…

    I also am touched by all the stories and thoughts of others here. I, myself, was a special needs child. I did not have down syndrome nor can i claim to understand how a parent would understand such a thing. Instead I grew up with epilepsy, adhd, and a disociative disorder. My brother shaun, has ADHD also, with developmental issues amoungst other things. I look to these parents who show such children with special needs of any kind and smile. Not every child with special needs is lucky to find parents who understand and accept them as they are. Mine didn’t. hence i spent the better part of my childhood growing up in the foster care system. A child who is lucky to have such a gift, in fact any child who is lucky to have such a gift gains the chance to blossom and grow. to develop a sense of security and pride in themselves. Every child needs that.

    I feel for the parents Frolic speaks of but i know that they will love their child and that love will help them. Frolic your a good and caring friend to be a part of this child’s life and to help to support the parents. Raising a child is a community effort and to that i say bravo.

  7. traci says:

    I work with adults with dd/id They are wonderful individual and can always make you smile and laugh they are a true joy to be around and have taught me alot. I have more patience, take more time to enjoy the little things in life, and share in their joy when they accomplish something. In my 17 years, all but one family has embraced, encouraged, and love them. Don’t give up on them. Expect things of them and they will rise to the occassion. Teach them. It takes alot of time and patience but they will learn it and it seems just as normal people are ready to give up it clicks for them. They are courageous and deserve our love, patience, and dedication. They teach and inspire us more than we do them. I know its a daily struggle but celebrate the small achievements. and party with the big achievements.

  8. Dancer says:

    I also have two kids with special needs, one autistic with other issues as well, and one with developmental disabilities. While my kids are my life and wonderful, life is not always the same. Their sperm donor is a total ass, who never cared about them when they were born or now. My son was not diagnosed until too late to help, because “daddy dearest” refused to allow it. I have two not happy kids, and a jerk for an ex. Special kids can also have what you called “fucked up parent” as well. It’s hard being a single parent to two special needs kids, especially when you don’t have the financial resources to help them as they need it because you got ripped off by your ex and then by your boss. Sorry, caught me on a not good day; back to court with the sperm donor daddy in 2 weeks.

    I do agree that down’s syndrome kids are some of the most loving I have ever met in my life, and I used to work with them at one time. Great kids.

  9. Mimi Juneau says:

    Thank you for sharing Frolic. It’s beautiful and so true, I know some of these parents….

  10. Liam Netizen says:

    Great Article, I’m argee with Frolic so children with Down’s Syndrome is very special like same as people who have disability and special needs too.

  11. Beautiful article Frolic. I have two children with special needs, one in particular so this definitely hits home for me. While I’m not so sure I agree that it’s some divine blessing, I do agree that my children are special and that I am lucky to have them. Sometimes it feels like a curse, but at the end of the day, I go to bed feeling unconditional love for my two very beautiful and special children.

  12. Tawny Dinzeo says:

    Thank You Frolic

    Some days seem tougher than others, that just restores it all for me
    hugsssss

  13. Mrs. Violet Freak (VioletCrush Bravin) says:

    Frolic,

    That was Very touching and heart felt. Bought Tears to my eyes at a beautiful way to put that in light of the situation. I do believe that people are chosen for certain things and reasons unknown to us, that is part of what makes our destiny and the legacy is how well we lived it and overcome. Bless your heart for the kind encouragement that was delivered to them and the rest of the viewing world.

  14. Zaria Zenfold says:

    Downs syndrome can be some of the most loving and loved children in this world. The can hold down jobs, marry, attend training schools, and do many of the ;normal’ things. I know your friends will find this a mixed blessing but I agree with you – they are the right parents for this bundle of joy.

  15. Lady Stromfield says:

    I enjoyed reading your article but I’d like to share a different perspective on the matter.

    There was always something special and different about my children, especially my youngest and not in the manner a parent usually means. I begged doctors for assistance and many made incorrect guesses and normally told me I was merely being paranoid. When school time came, one found it incrediblyeasy while the other found kindergarten impossible. Eventually, they were diagnosed with the help of specialists as being Asperger’s and the other end of the scale, PDD NOS..literally, two of the possible opposites of the spectrum known as Autism. I did struggle for a bit, I got very upset whe they were teased for entirely different reasons, I fought school boards, I talked with politicians and even pulled them from schools when neccessary but of all I ever did..they taught me far more than I ever taught them.

    When children teased them and fought with them, they forgave instantly.

    When anyone else would curl up and hide, they forgot and moved on.

    After many years of learning from these two amazing people, I stand strongly by something I stated to my sister in law when she bragged of her children and showed sympathy for my “plight” while stating “Her children were normal.” I asked, when did we become aliens? I am grateful that my children are not like everyone else, they think outside the box, they work harder than anyone else around them, they appreciate more and they understand better than most adults. They have gone far past what anyone said they could, ever, because I never told them they could not. My youngest is an honours student, by the way, in normal classes. His diagnosis was to never attend a normal class or to learn anything but math. It is the normal people I truly feel for, because I have gained so much from them that noone can unless given this special gift. Over time, as parents, we understand what we have gained, as opposed to given.

    Your friend is blessed, Frolic, in time they will understand. We learn how to see. smiles.

    Warmly,
    Lady Stromfield

  16. Anonymous says:

    Very genuine article…Well done Frolic
    Keep up a good work :)

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